I’m here today to invent and to crystallize the content of a new emotion. It’s called lightning ball. It happens when you go from the lowest, laziest ennui to an explosive rage of happiness and optimism inside an hour. It isn’t drug induced. Nor is it a symptom of bi-polar disorder. It’s like a shivering of rising white light through the heart on its way to the head. Lightning ball can appear through noticing a small, but radiant detail; a piece of art, music, maybe even a song you didn’t think you liked before. One cannot really summon lightning ball, for its appearance is not a matter of will. However, keeping it’s precious force with you can be a matter of will to a degree. This force often strikes when there seems to be no cause for it in the world of events. When nothing good even happened, lightning ball can appear. Lightning ball comes with understanding and both encompasses and transforms emotional pain. It’s not your regular dose of optimism or “positive thinking.” While reading The Brothers Karamazov I sensed variations of literary lightning ball several times. They were like little ripples and explosions of knowing and consciousness. The force cannot be contained, predicted or complicated. It depends on nothing and appears in the present-tense. When the world is grey and aching and impossible, a lightning ball can open things up in ways you cannot imagine. Be ready!!!!!!
Depression; sometimes it comes when the events of daily life continually run counter to your wishes. Other times it comes when your intrinsic nature seems to be thrwarted. For instance, if you’re naturally adventurous and enjoy travelling – then the depression could catch up to you after ten days of being without a car and without a dime to your name. It comes when you feel trapped by circumstances beyond your immediate control. Depression can make the world seem like a cheesy joke, as if the way the world is built and the way the daily world is necessarily structured runs counter to your dreams becoming reality.
However, there is an element of illusion to most depressions. The other night the world sure seemed to look like a cheap joke to me, but there is an automatic illusion built into something that “seems.” A dark view ignores the bright side of things, or the flexible side of being that can still find excitement and allure (an example for the adventurous, bounding personality) in a world that isn’t really open to the classic meaning of the word “adventure.” Those cheesy, disposable and cheap qualities of daily life can depress you one day, yet delight you the next.
Depression usually comes for you when you’re being rigid or lazy in some way. At times, it comes when you’re being fairly flexible in your relations to life’s demands, but maybe not flexible enough. Like you’re missing something, or waiting, missing some force that hasn’t fully come into your life yet. At some periods in life, you just need to be flexible. Sometimes you have to be so flexible to avoid pain that it is impossible to be that flexible. You cause yourself even more pain by restricting and avoiding your feelings than by taking emotional risks once in a while and facing the pain. Bouts with depression are an almost automatic consequence for one who lives with heart. Living with heart makes that pain endurable and is worth it in the long run.
What Bruce Lee said is true about the intellect and the ego – that they create divisions and walls. It’s the ego’s specialty to create rigidities. It’s almost impossible to go through life without the world smacking relentlessly at some ego-founded stubborness you have. Somewhere in all of this are the forces that ultimately allow your spirit to grow.
Sometimes, the world hints at that rigidity and takes a little crack at it. You get the point and you feel like you’ve learned your lesson. But then the “world” continues to hurl stones at that particular soft spot. Or it really seems that way. This goes on until your self-stubborness, your measures of flexibility and optimism all seem to break down at once.
Then you come to admit something; you’re depressed! You also realize whatever else you need to; some basic truth which applies particularly to the events and people in your life. You embrace and feel this basic truth within your totality. The resistance to some truth which causes most of the depression breaks down. You feel the isness of the truth move through the totality of your being. You let it move through different layers of your being while you loosen up and emote. Usually, at this point the depression dissipates and moves on.
The world, life events, our spiritual guides and whatever unseen forces there may be are constantly pushing us to remain flexible and yet still be ourselves while retaining our hearts and souls.
Following your heart is tough. Sometimes it can be dangerous and painful, but it will bring the greatest joy in the end. Following your heart can bring you in contact with depression, but it will bring you to a greater joy and flexibility also. Better to follow your heart than to agree unconsciously and complacently to a life of numbness.